Nowhere..

Not here, not there, nor anywhere

Can I find you standing.

You move in circles of swindling patterns,

As I lose my path chasing.

Leaving enough hints for me to go on,

You feed my greedy curiosity.

I'm tired now, worn out and restless,

Rapidly losing my agility.

Sorry, your game doesn't amuse me any longer,

I think that I should be leaving.

Not here, not there, nor anywhere

will you find me now,

I hope you won't be grieving.

Too old to smile

Return to the sandbox.
Swing your fears away.
Don't see-saw the pros and cons.
Fly a kite.
Fly high.
Go find your smile in the sandbox.

is capitalism fair-er?

Ok, so maybe this should be a book.Thankfully, it's not going to be. Trust me there are a hundred already.But I happen to be in a very interesting discussion at the famous- round table in office, which deserves to be archived.
So, here goes....

The apartment complex, where my boss lives had set some standardized pay slabs for domestic help working in the complex as expatriate residents were paying the staff exorbitant salaries, causing the other poor souls and pockets to suffer.
All of us but my boss concurred that it was a fantastic idea. Absolutely fair we thought.we happily congratulated ourselves for being the champions of equality, communism, transparency, etc.

Then, as usual my boss erupted...telling us we were sick, dogmatic, oppressive and had a slave mentality(all at once- you can pick the curse you like best).
He took his maid's example and said that he could only pay her 4000 rupees, but if someone could pay her 7000 he had absolutely no right to stop her.It's a free world!

So he made me think of my own mindset towards the staff that has been around me for years. I thought of all of us- well educated, middle class indian people, living in the metros, people who have never swept their own rooms, too busy licking their boss' ass, too busy climbing the ladder to success stamping on the faces of the less fortunate. We like the poor. We like social work.It shows our sensitive side. We are socialist when it gets all of us electricity or ration. We are capitalist when we sit in our shops devising the best marketing strategy.

Now that the middle class is flourishing and are elevated to the position of glorified servants in swanky offices someone has still got to do the dog work right? But we are sensitive socialists now...we believe in fixed salaries( presuming no skill is required in manual work.My mom can explain in detail how no two maids are the same).

Have a soul. Chose one.Right now we have only chosen to be selfish.

intimacy- phobic

Too close for comfort, or not close enough to be comfortable? That is the question that plagues my mind every now and then. This thought manifests itself at the most weird moments. It could strike at any time....enjoying a conversation with a friend, just when you're about to do stuff(yes, this is going to be a shy blog) or missing someone. It pulls my brain in opposing directions, all at once. Sometimes its unfair to the people I love or who love me. But I remain a slave to my dilemma.

Learning...

One hears advice and inadvertently understands (logically justifies) most of them. But to really learn a lesson, you've got to live it. It needs to resonate with the rhythm of your life. Heard this one before , but understood it to be true for me in a rather peculiar way....

Ever been told "What you need and what you want may be two entirely different things. But most often you can't distinguish which is which."

The only way I could have and have understood the difference was by letting go of both the ideas, enjoying something I really hadn't thought I would and be accepting of the change in me. It feels liberating- not to judge myself by obnoxious, unachievable targets any longer. Didn't know I had it in me. Loving it!!

Neil Gaiman on Love Share

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-y

ou-apart pain. I hate love.”

sicko!

Damn! Its like the whole world is falling dead.After all the hard, painful parts I have become clinical.Constantly(how sad is that?) updating a list of the trees that fell, number of people effected,erosion caused, alternate vegetation, etc. I make me sick!!